I'm still chugging along....

Well, I thought I would come on and post another little update! It's hard to believe that I have lost 40 pounds since February! I weigh 198.6 right now, which is exactly 40 pounds from the 238.6 I started at. I'm realizing that I think I have a form of body dismorphia though. I remember back in January, going shopping for a shirt to wear, and being in the dressing room all depressed, and thinking "If I could even lose 20 pounds, I would enjoy shopping so much more and feel so much more confident and better about myself!" Fast forward to this past weakend, I'm down FORTY pounds, in the dressing room, and I'm not lying, when I look in the mirror, I feel like I look just as fat as I did when I weighed almost 240. That is messed up. It makes me think that even when I get to my "goal weight", I still will see myself in pictures and not like what I see. I seriously hate that I'm like that! We are getting family pictures taken in 2 weeks, and I'm honestly dreading it. I feel like my face always looks so fat in pictures, and I never like any picture taken of me. I just got my hair colored and cut, and it's shorter, so I feel like my face even looks fuller now. It's like it doesn't matter how many people say, "No, you look amazing!" I never seem to believe it! I want to, I really do, but for some reason I can't. I don't know how to change that about myself! It's funny because I have pictures on my fridge of my BFF and I a couple years back, and I was around 200 pounds. I remember taking the pictures, and hating them when I saw them later that night. After having my last baby, 40 pounds heavier, I looked at those pics on the fridge and thought "What was I thinking??? I looked so good! I should have been thankful for how I looked, cause look at me now!" Now that I'm that weight again, I'm back to thinking I look fat in them. I'm messed up....haha....
   I really am enjoying WW though. I have come to the realization that I want to live and enjoy my life, even if the weight doesn't come off as fast as it possibly could be if I was being super strict. I want to be able to have nights that I gorge on greasy pizza and brownies, and be able to go out to dinner and have one too many rolls with butter. As long as I can get back on track, its a very livable way to "diet." Yes I could probably be at my goal weight by now if I only ate salads with chicken on them, but what kind of life would that be? You only live once ya know :-) It has to be a lifestyle change, which I feel like this is. I'm trying to run 2-3 times a week, and doing the Shred when I can...which is not as often as I should be doing it. If it takes 6 more months to lose another 30 pounds, than so be it. As long as I'm trying to make some healthy changes, and the scale is generally headed in the right direction, I'm going to be happy.
  I'm not going to lie, I'm a little worried about the holidays...ugh...such a hard time of year to focus! Any advice on how to completely not derail?

Update :-)

I've already claimed the name of "Worst Blogger Ever" so this is no surprise that it's been so long since I've posted! :-) Not that anyone reads this, but I did want to update, even for myself. I'm pretty proud of how far I've come in the past few months. Could I have done better? Most certainly. I have made a lot of progress though, so I'm looking at the positives. I am down just about 30 pounds, and I'm up to running 2-3 miles, 2-3 times a week. I've run the distance of a 5k a couple times, but have 2 actual races coming up in September that I'm training for and making sure I keep up with my running for them. I never thought I would enjoy running haha! I hate it while I'm doing it, but it is so satisfying in the end. It is rough on my hips and lower back, and I'm pretty much in pain every day because of it, but it is still worth it. I'm less than 10 pounds away from being in the 100's in my weight, and I'm so anxious to get there! I want to be 199 by my race on September 11th, so that is my current goal. I know it is a lot to lose in a month, but I'm going to shoot for it anyway. It would feel so good to get down there again! :-) Well, that is my update of sorts for now! Who knows when I will post again, haha, but I will try to not let it be 4 months from now! ;-)

Day Who Knows What

Yeah, I'm too tired to do the math for the post title tonight. Up until Monday, I had a rough week and a half. I had a last minute trip to Florida to visit my niece who is dying of cancer, and then my whole family, including me, got sick the next week. I did not count or care about what I ate that whole week and a half, and I'm not proud of it. There has just been so much stress, that I felt like it was just one more thing I had to think about. I'm moving on though, and have 2 days of counting under my belt now and I'm not planning on slipping up anytime soon. I do have a family wedding this weekend so I'm nervous about that but I'm going to pack some of my own food and do the best that I can. I saw a picture of myself today where I was sitting in the background and it was literally disgusting. No joke. I looked at it and was like, "Who is that massive woman?" It's sad that I don't even think I look THAT bad, but in reality, I do. Maybe someday when I'm at my goal, i will share the picture, but until then, it is under lock and key! ;-) I can't live like this anymore....need to stay motivated......

Day 50

Oh my belly is so happy right now haha....I love Thursday nights when I can come home after WW and FEAST on whatever I want after eating so little all day! To say I go crazy would be an understatement! :-)
   On to my weigh in....I was down 7.8 pounds! Now...that isn't all weight! Last Thursday I wore my boots, and a hoodie on the scale, and also ate right before I went to the meeting, so that explains some of those pounds for sure! I'm still happy though, because I'm hoping 3-4 of those pounds were actually worked for. :-) I'm still not at a place that I'm real excited yet, cause I'm still not to the lowest number I've once hit since Lanie was born, believe it or not. I got to 220 after a Fuel Cycle before the holidays, and so I still have 11 pounds before I will get super duper excited! On I go to week 2!

Starting weight - 238.2
Current weight - 230.4
Loss this week - 7.8
Total loss - 7.8

Day 51

Sorry I've been MIA. Sunday my husband surprised me, got a babysitter and took me out to eat for Valentine's Day! So sweet! Needless to say, we go out to eat together MAYBE once a year, so WW wasn't really on my mind and I went a little crazy haha! Probably ate my weeklies for the next 2 months! ;-) Got back on plan on Monday, and have been doing good since then, but I hope that one night doesn't hurt me too much! Tomorrow is my first weigh in, and like always I'm nervous about it! Hopefully I will be down more than just "my boots and my hoodie" ;-) I will check in tomorrow when I get home!

Day 55

Another day complete and I stayed on plan. It's really funny going back to points...such a different mindset than THM. I'm realizing that I was probably eating like 150 points a day on THM! When I measured my small tad of butter for 2 points today, I thought back to how much butter I put in my eggs when I used to make them, and wow....haha...I probably had 6-8 points worth just of butter! It is going to be REALLY hard, almost impossible, to stick with THM while counting points because of that. I'm trying my best though. Still using my joseph's wraps instead of bread, eating greek yogurt, etc. Did buy some 2 point Fiber One Mint Brownies today that are freaking amazing...not gonna lie. ;-) Tomorrow will be challenging because of church and then choir practice....I eat breakfast at 7:30 then am not home until 2pm. I will bring a snack for sure or else when I finally get home, I will eat everything in sight. I don't know if Ben will want to go out to eat with the kids tomorrow night or not, as sometimes we will do that on Saturday or Sunday night. Good thing is I only used 2 of my 49 weekly points so far, so I should be ok!
    I was diagnosed with a bad sinus infection yesterday and am on antibiotics, so hopefully by Monday I will be feeling 100% again and ready to start working out. I'm so anxious to start running again! It just stinks that I literally lost 3 weeks of working out since I've been so sick. Oh well...looking ahead and not behind! I will hit the ground running this week and make up for it! Hope you had a nice Valentine's day!

Day 56

Day one of WW complete! I have to admit, it was very weird to count points again, but I strangely loved it. It was freeing to know I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as it was within my points. Most of my day was THM food, but I did have some chocolate covered almonds that were amazing, and it was so nice to not feel guilty about eating them because they weren't "on plan." I get 39 points a day...it sounds like so much, but funny enough, they went by fast! I guess one of the many things that THM taught me was not to use fat free everything, so your points go pretty fast when you are using real butter, instead of spray butter for instance. If i'm going to follow THM, along with WW, the points will go fast, so I need to realize that and plan accordingly, even if that means eating some non THM foods.
    So, I debated sharing my weight on here or not, but ya know what? It is what it is. I don't care if people know what I weigh, and it will help me to be able to post my weight each week. Just try not to judge...haha....

2-12-15
Starting weight - 238.2 :-/

In my defense haha I did weigh after a full day of eating, and wore my boots and a hoodie on the scale. ;-) Hoping I will be down 5-6 next week....we will see!

Day 58

Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Starting to get fit at 30" instead! Pretty sure I won't be fit in 58 days! :-) I have to admit, I am really excited. I am joining WW tomorrow night. Something I never thought I would do, after discovering THM in the summer of 2013, but something has changed this time around, and it's just not working like it did before. I think I am more lax about it, and eating more desserts and higher calorie items or something. I'm fat because I don't know how to stop eating, and a lifestyle like THM, in a way, feeds my obsession to eat. Yeah! I don't have to count anything! I can have 6 cheesecake chocolate chip cookies and be "on plan" as long as I have it after an S dinner, so I will make cheeseburger pie and eat to my hearts delight! I KNOW that is not what Serene and Pearl mean when they wrote the book, but for someone who struggles with portion control, this diet doesn't work. I just wish they said in the book, "You can have Cheeseburger Pie, but a serving size is 1/8 of the pan" or "Cut your THM brownies into 16 pieces, and enjoy 1 piece after an S meal." I didn't get fat because I knew what a portion size is....lets be honest. All I know is, I got down to my lowest since having children on WW, and I'm ready to do it again. I am going to try to stay with THM's way of eating, most of the time, because I really do love how it makes me feel when I am eating that way. I do feel like it makes me feel a little less pressure though, if I'm out and about and need to have something "off THM plan", I can just count the points and still be doing good. I'm not going to lie...I'm excited to eat a Subway sub with Baked Lays potato chips! ;-) Tomorrow night is my first meeting, so that is the weight I will have as my starting weight. I may post it on here....and I may not. It's so embarrassing quite honestly, so I'm not sure what I will do yet. I'm looking forward to having the accountability of weighing in each week, and having the support of friends at the meetings. I've been there on and off for 8 years now, so I pretty much know everyone! :-)
  Well that's about it. Maybe I will post tomorrow night after the meeting, but if not, I will try to post Friday after my first day back on WW. Skinny Jessica....I'm coming for you! ;-)

Day 62

I'm back! :-) I'm FINALLY feeling better...still a little congested, but feeling much better. We ended up staying an extra day in Ohio because of bad driving weather, so I wasn't able to start my Fuel Cycle till Wednesday. I am on day 4 now, and feeling pretty good. It is HARD, but I need something like this to get me back on the right track. Figures my time of month came yesterday haha so it makes it even harder. Once this is over, I will head back to the gym now that I am feeling better, and that should help my weight loss hopefully.
   I'm considering joining Weight Watchers this week, if I can figure out someone to watch my kids during meetings. I still am going to follow the THM plan hopefully 90% of the time, but all while counting points. I think it will help me to get used to portion control again, and I love the accountability of meetings. I have so much to lose, that I need all the help I can get at this point.
  Today is the first day of Fuel Pull foods in the Fuel Cycle. The first three days are all Deep S, which is like eggs, butter, coconut oil, veggies, chicken, etc. Basically I starve haha. I feel like there is nothing to eat. Last night I cheated a little and had a wrap with my eggs. I just needed something cause I was feeling nauseous. Today is always easier for me. Even though its food low in fat AND low in carbs, I feel like I have more options. Dinner will be rough though.....I may be eating only tomato soup when the rest of the family is having way better stuff! :-)
   Well, that is my update for now. I will weigh in on Wednesday and see what my weight is for the past two weeks since I didn't weigh this past Wednesday. Hopefully I see some sort of loss!

Day 74

Yeah, so this has been a horrible weekend. I haven't been this sick in a long time. Is it bad that I would rather have the stomach flu so at least I would lose weight? HAHA! I still feel horrible! Calorie counting has not happened even in the least bit, and neither has THM. It's been all I can do to pour a bowl of cereal for myself while still trying to take care of 4 kids, a house and homeschool, all while I feel like I'm dying. I think what makes it worse is that my baby has the same thing, so I have to deal with her being miserable, not sleeping at night, all while dealing with the same thing myself. I'm not complaining, really, I know it could be much worse. I'm just making an excuse for my bad eating and not caring! :-)

   I am going to Ohio to visit my SIL on Thursday until Monday. I will actually probably count calories when I am there, because my SIL is doing that, so it should be good motivation for me. I know Sunday afternoon will be a cheat meal though because it is the Super Bowl and we are making tons of food for us and our men.

 I have a couple plans for when I get home. Number one is, I'm going to commit to go off sugar for the month of February. Two, I'm going to do a THM Fuel Cycle with I get home. I always seem to lose when I do them, and it sets me on the the right track. It's not something you count calories for, but rather eat certain foods on certain days for 2 weeks. I will write about it when I do it. I will try to check in again before then, but I'm not sure it will happen with getting ready to leave and then being gone all weekend. Not that it matters, cause I'm pretty much the only one that is reading...besides you Alissa! :-) <3

Day 77

Sick as a dog today. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Did not eat great and didn't count calories the second half of the day. I will try again tomorrow. It's so hard to care when you feel like crap and on top of that you are taking care of sick kids. 😩 headed to bed! Hopefully I will at least check in tomorrow!

Day 78

I'm going to warn you, this is going to be pretty short. My 6 month old baby has one of the worst coughs that you can imagine, is incredibly miserable and we both slept maybe a total of 2 hours last night. To make matters worse, I'm sick now with a nasty cough. Ugh. I feel like right when I get in a good groove, something happens haha. At least I got 2 days at the gym before I got sick. Hopefully I can just control my food, and it won't hurt me too much. Here is what today looked like.

THM waffles - 235 calories
Spark Drink - 45 calories
Popcorn - 65 calories
Egg salad on 1/2 lavish - 150 calories
Scoop of cauliflower/broccoli/cheese dish - 170 calories ( guessed )
SF PB cup - 80 calories
Chimi Changa with Lite Sour Cream - 375 calories
15 slices pepperoni - 120 calories
SF chocolate - 75 calories

Total - 1315 calories ( give or take a few that I guessed on )

Ok...baby is screaming already...ugh...over and out!

Day 79

Well today was "day one" and I feel like I did pretty well. I weighed this morning, so i will post my results next Wednesday after I have a week under my belt. We had a field trip to a museum today so I had to pack a lunch, which always proves to be more challenging for me. Plus they have a Bill Grays in the museum, which is the home of the most amazing cheeseburger joint EVER, so the smell of that is enough to make anyone cheat any diet! :-)
   So, if you are wondering what "plan" I am doing, I will tell you. I am trying to do a combination of Trim Healthy Mama, and counting calories. I love the Trim Healthy Mama plan, but I know I eat WAY too many calories when I am on that plan. Eating desserts with heavy cream, dinners filled with cream cheese, and coconut oil for dessert, was not working for me. I don't blame the plan actually, its just how I execute the plan. For instance, they would probably suggest for a nice S lunch to be something like, a bed of lettuce with salmon on top, sprinkle of cheese, and a healthy oil dressing, with a piece of skinny chocolate for dessert. What do I have? Oh I don't know like a mixture of cream cheese, chicken, cheddar cheese in a tortilla, dipped in sour cream, and then for dessert 1/4 cup of heavy cream mixed with peanut butter and sweetener. Delicious? Yes! BUT, probably like 1,000 calories. I was probably eating up to 3-4,000 calories a day, and I just feel like I can't wonder why I'm not losing weight. So, I have decided to try to follow THM as much as possible, all while counting calories. My goal is to stay on THM, but if I have to "cheat", it's ok as long as I count the calories. My goal is to just try to stay under 1,500 calories a day. I will start with that and see if I can lose, and if it doesn't work, I will have to reevaluate. Anyway, there is my long story! Here is what I ate today!

Breakfast - THM waffles - E  - 235 calories
Lunch - Egg salad on 1/2 Joseph's lavish and Zevia drink - S - 250 calories
Dessert - 1 Sugar Free PB cup - S - 80 calories
Snack - Quest PB Chocolate Bar - FP - 160 calories
Snack - Couple slices of rotisserie chicken - FP - 110 calories? ( not really sure )
Dinner - Turkey sub from Subway - Crossover - 410 calories
Dessert - 1 Sugar Free chocolate - S - 75 calories

Total Calories - 1,320

That was my day! I'm pretty happy how it turned out! Trying to not eat after 6 each night, so I'm STARVING right now, but I'm going to push through and try to go to bed. I have a 6 month old who is getting up 3 times a night, and a 9 year old who is sick and throwing up, so I'm thinking there will not be too much sleep tonight. :-/ I will be back tomorrow!

Here I am again....

Yes, I know. I'm a horrible blogger, and I am the first to admit it. So why am I even bothering starting yet ANOTHER blog? Well, I realized as I went through old posts on my old weight loss blogs, that I really enjoy going back and reading what worked, and what didn't, through all my journey's of losing weight. So honestly, even if I am the only one who ever reads this, I am going to do it for myself. I want the accountability, and I want to be able to look back someday and see my successes/failures.
  Here is the bottom line. I am going to be 30 in 80 days. Crazy!! Yes, I had a baby 6 months ago, but I am the heaviest I have ever been ( besides 9 months pregnant ) and I feel disgusting and gross. I can't tell you how many times I keep saying "Ok...today I'm getting serious" only to fail again. I'm the type of person that needs to have about 1-2 weeks of doing PERFECTLY, and then I get in a great groove and I feel like nothing can stop me...even a pan of brownies staring me in the face! My problem is actually getting to that point. Ugh, I feel like I can't get over that hump where I am super motivated. I joined the gym this week and started this blog, so I'm hoping between the two, I will somehow pull out motivation. I want to feel good on my 30th, but also, we are planning on taking a cruise for our 10 year anniversary this spring, and I'm telling you right now, there is no point even planning a trip if I look like this! Nothing fits me and I wouldn't take a picture of myself right now if you paid me! :-)
   Well there you have it. No promises for daily posts but I am going to try my best. I will be back tomorrow.!