Well, I thought I would come on and post another little update! It's hard to believe that I have lost 40 pounds since February! I weigh 198.6 right now, which is exactly 40 pounds from the 238.6 I started at. I'm realizing that I think I have a form of body dismorphia though. I remember back in January, going shopping for a shirt to wear, and being in the dressing room all depressed, and thinking "If I could even lose 20 pounds, I would enjoy shopping so much more and feel so much more confident and better about myself!" Fast forward to this past weakend, I'm down FORTY pounds, in the dressing room, and I'm not lying, when I look in the mirror, I feel like I look just as fat as I did when I weighed almost 240. That is messed up. It makes me think that even when I get to my "goal weight", I still will see myself in pictures and not like what I see. I seriously hate that I'm like that! We are getting family pictures taken in 2 weeks, and I'm honestly dreading it. I feel like my face always looks so fat in pictures, and I never like any picture taken of me. I just got my hair colored and cut, and it's shorter, so I feel like my face even looks fuller now. It's like it doesn't matter how many people say, "No, you look amazing!" I never seem to believe it! I want to, I really do, but for some reason I can't. I don't know how to change that about myself! It's funny because I have pictures on my fridge of my BFF and I a couple years back, and I was around 200 pounds. I remember taking the pictures, and hating them when I saw them later that night. After having my last baby, 40 pounds heavier, I looked at those pics on the fridge and thought "What was I thinking??? I looked so good! I should have been thankful for how I looked, cause look at me now!" Now that I'm that weight again, I'm back to thinking I look fat in them. I'm messed up....haha....
I really am enjoying WW though. I have come to the realization that I want to live and enjoy my life, even if the weight doesn't come off as fast as it possibly could be if I was being super strict. I want to be able to have nights that I gorge on greasy pizza and brownies, and be able to go out to dinner and have one too many rolls with butter. As long as I can get back on track, its a very livable way to "diet." Yes I could probably be at my goal weight by now if I only ate salads with chicken on them, but what kind of life would that be? You only live once ya know :-) It has to be a lifestyle change, which I feel like this is. I'm trying to run 2-3 times a week, and doing the Shred when I can...which is not as often as I should be doing it. If it takes 6 more months to lose another 30 pounds, than so be it. As long as I'm trying to make some healthy changes, and the scale is generally headed in the right direction, I'm going to be happy.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little worried about the holidays...ugh...such a hard time of year to focus! Any advice on how to completely not derail?
