I'm still chugging along....

Well, I thought I would come on and post another little update! It's hard to believe that I have lost 40 pounds since February! I weigh 198.6 right now, which is exactly 40 pounds from the 238.6 I started at. I'm realizing that I think I have a form of body dismorphia though. I remember back in January, going shopping for a shirt to wear, and being in the dressing room all depressed, and thinking "If I could even lose 20 pounds, I would enjoy shopping so much more and feel so much more confident and better about myself!" Fast forward to this past weakend, I'm down FORTY pounds, in the dressing room, and I'm not lying, when I look in the mirror, I feel like I look just as fat as I did when I weighed almost 240. That is messed up. It makes me think that even when I get to my "goal weight", I still will see myself in pictures and not like what I see. I seriously hate that I'm like that! We are getting family pictures taken in 2 weeks, and I'm honestly dreading it. I feel like my face always looks so fat in pictures, and I never like any picture taken of me. I just got my hair colored and cut, and it's shorter, so I feel like my face even looks fuller now. It's like it doesn't matter how many people say, "No, you look amazing!" I never seem to believe it! I want to, I really do, but for some reason I can't. I don't know how to change that about myself! It's funny because I have pictures on my fridge of my BFF and I a couple years back, and I was around 200 pounds. I remember taking the pictures, and hating them when I saw them later that night. After having my last baby, 40 pounds heavier, I looked at those pics on the fridge and thought "What was I thinking??? I looked so good! I should have been thankful for how I looked, cause look at me now!" Now that I'm that weight again, I'm back to thinking I look fat in them. I'm messed up....haha....
   I really am enjoying WW though. I have come to the realization that I want to live and enjoy my life, even if the weight doesn't come off as fast as it possibly could be if I was being super strict. I want to be able to have nights that I gorge on greasy pizza and brownies, and be able to go out to dinner and have one too many rolls with butter. As long as I can get back on track, its a very livable way to "diet." Yes I could probably be at my goal weight by now if I only ate salads with chicken on them, but what kind of life would that be? You only live once ya know :-) It has to be a lifestyle change, which I feel like this is. I'm trying to run 2-3 times a week, and doing the Shred when I can...which is not as often as I should be doing it. If it takes 6 more months to lose another 30 pounds, than so be it. As long as I'm trying to make some healthy changes, and the scale is generally headed in the right direction, I'm going to be happy.
  I'm not going to lie, I'm a little worried about the holidays...ugh...such a hard time of year to focus! Any advice on how to completely not derail?

Update :-)

I've already claimed the name of "Worst Blogger Ever" so this is no surprise that it's been so long since I've posted! :-) Not that anyone reads this, but I did want to update, even for myself. I'm pretty proud of how far I've come in the past few months. Could I have done better? Most certainly. I have made a lot of progress though, so I'm looking at the positives. I am down just about 30 pounds, and I'm up to running 2-3 miles, 2-3 times a week. I've run the distance of a 5k a couple times, but have 2 actual races coming up in September that I'm training for and making sure I keep up with my running for them. I never thought I would enjoy running haha! I hate it while I'm doing it, but it is so satisfying in the end. It is rough on my hips and lower back, and I'm pretty much in pain every day because of it, but it is still worth it. I'm less than 10 pounds away from being in the 100's in my weight, and I'm so anxious to get there! I want to be 199 by my race on September 11th, so that is my current goal. I know it is a lot to lose in a month, but I'm going to shoot for it anyway. It would feel so good to get down there again! :-) Well, that is my update of sorts for now! Who knows when I will post again, haha, but I will try to not let it be 4 months from now! ;-)

Day Who Knows What

Yeah, I'm too tired to do the math for the post title tonight. Up until Monday, I had a rough week and a half. I had a last minute trip to Florida to visit my niece who is dying of cancer, and then my whole family, including me, got sick the next week. I did not count or care about what I ate that whole week and a half, and I'm not proud of it. There has just been so much stress, that I felt like it was just one more thing I had to think about. I'm moving on though, and have 2 days of counting under my belt now and I'm not planning on slipping up anytime soon. I do have a family wedding this weekend so I'm nervous about that but I'm going to pack some of my own food and do the best that I can. I saw a picture of myself today where I was sitting in the background and it was literally disgusting. No joke. I looked at it and was like, "Who is that massive woman?" It's sad that I don't even think I look THAT bad, but in reality, I do. Maybe someday when I'm at my goal, i will share the picture, but until then, it is under lock and key! ;-) I can't live like this anymore....need to stay motivated......

Day 50

Oh my belly is so happy right now haha....I love Thursday nights when I can come home after WW and FEAST on whatever I want after eating so little all day! To say I go crazy would be an understatement! :-)
   On to my weigh in....I was down 7.8 pounds! Now...that isn't all weight! Last Thursday I wore my boots, and a hoodie on the scale, and also ate right before I went to the meeting, so that explains some of those pounds for sure! I'm still happy though, because I'm hoping 3-4 of those pounds were actually worked for. :-) I'm still not at a place that I'm real excited yet, cause I'm still not to the lowest number I've once hit since Lanie was born, believe it or not. I got to 220 after a Fuel Cycle before the holidays, and so I still have 11 pounds before I will get super duper excited! On I go to week 2!

Starting weight - 238.2
Current weight - 230.4
Loss this week - 7.8
Total loss - 7.8

Day 51

Sorry I've been MIA. Sunday my husband surprised me, got a babysitter and took me out to eat for Valentine's Day! So sweet! Needless to say, we go out to eat together MAYBE once a year, so WW wasn't really on my mind and I went a little crazy haha! Probably ate my weeklies for the next 2 months! ;-) Got back on plan on Monday, and have been doing good since then, but I hope that one night doesn't hurt me too much! Tomorrow is my first weigh in, and like always I'm nervous about it! Hopefully I will be down more than just "my boots and my hoodie" ;-) I will check in tomorrow when I get home!

Day 55

Another day complete and I stayed on plan. It's really funny going back to points...such a different mindset than THM. I'm realizing that I was probably eating like 150 points a day on THM! When I measured my small tad of butter for 2 points today, I thought back to how much butter I put in my eggs when I used to make them, and wow....haha...I probably had 6-8 points worth just of butter! It is going to be REALLY hard, almost impossible, to stick with THM while counting points because of that. I'm trying my best though. Still using my joseph's wraps instead of bread, eating greek yogurt, etc. Did buy some 2 point Fiber One Mint Brownies today that are freaking amazing...not gonna lie. ;-) Tomorrow will be challenging because of church and then choir practice....I eat breakfast at 7:30 then am not home until 2pm. I will bring a snack for sure or else when I finally get home, I will eat everything in sight. I don't know if Ben will want to go out to eat with the kids tomorrow night or not, as sometimes we will do that on Saturday or Sunday night. Good thing is I only used 2 of my 49 weekly points so far, so I should be ok!
    I was diagnosed with a bad sinus infection yesterday and am on antibiotics, so hopefully by Monday I will be feeling 100% again and ready to start working out. I'm so anxious to start running again! It just stinks that I literally lost 3 weeks of working out since I've been so sick. Oh well...looking ahead and not behind! I will hit the ground running this week and make up for it! Hope you had a nice Valentine's day!

Day 56

Day one of WW complete! I have to admit, it was very weird to count points again, but I strangely loved it. It was freeing to know I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as it was within my points. Most of my day was THM food, but I did have some chocolate covered almonds that were amazing, and it was so nice to not feel guilty about eating them because they weren't "on plan." I get 39 points a day...it sounds like so much, but funny enough, they went by fast! I guess one of the many things that THM taught me was not to use fat free everything, so your points go pretty fast when you are using real butter, instead of spray butter for instance. If i'm going to follow THM, along with WW, the points will go fast, so I need to realize that and plan accordingly, even if that means eating some non THM foods.
    So, I debated sharing my weight on here or not, but ya know what? It is what it is. I don't care if people know what I weigh, and it will help me to be able to post my weight each week. Just try not to judge...haha....

2-12-15
Starting weight - 238.2 :-/

In my defense haha I did weigh after a full day of eating, and wore my boots and a hoodie on the scale. ;-) Hoping I will be down 5-6 next week....we will see!